emily jones

=may my inner head not spoil my outer one

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“the opposite of love is not hate, but indifference”

this is a quote by Elie Wiesel that we talked about & around in class today. would I rather be hated or feel indifference from someone that I love? nothing is ever as black & white as these extremities, but indifference has no doubt caused much harm politically, socially, historically, economically, globally. it is like the piece by Gilbert & George, which says

“are you angry or are you boring” 

to me, offers a similar need to stray away from indifference. we need to feel something to be okay just as long as it is something. if that is anger? then be passionate about it. if it is lust…go do it. as long as you are not indifferent, you are not committing suicide. as long as we are using our brains & formulating ideas or opinions, we are not a waste.

got to riding so fast that I thought about closing my eyes & just letting the bike do what it would…I thought about it crashing & how much damage there would be if it did….I thought about what it would feel like to loose control…

but I am such a wimp..I couldnt do it; I couldnt just let go. I was enjoying the ride so much more than I would overcoming my fear of letting go of those handle bars. so I held on really tight & kept peddling as fast as I could possibly go.

why cant I just let go… 

wheres my best friend. wheres the person i spent hundreds of hours with, thousands of kisses on, all of my love. where did she go. i miss her so much.

you know, I thought maybe today would be different. maybe I could write somewhere “& then one day she just stopped crying…”

wind bending swift lifting up the leaves thieves of the ground rolling coil on the surface twirl whirling off the moving space dance prancing in trances excitement enticing in flight one favorite sights

.,/’* look more asian
(im going to Thailand in may!!!!)

I cant get to sleep

not new. the same as the last couple. le coup. cup ill. sick. the syncness.

no one wants the negativeness. I get that. but I strain to change, I squint at where to step next. I fear my feet may just slip away, solid ground give way. support fails me. not yu,yu,yu,yu,yu,yu enough.

the sun goes down & ignites the thoughts that make me tick, make me chirp, make me limp
if I could just sit in the lightness, take deep breaths, maybe then I would last
but your shadows cast blooms of aversion too late to land conversion, to tap coercion

I dont get it

wnt Icahy satisfy

a bite, a bit
a night, we fit
fight, you lit
alright, spit